I WANT TO EAT A NUT OF LAERMA!

CANADIAN GRAND PRIX UP IN SMOKE

Well, it's official. There will be no Canadian Grand Prix next year because of the bans on all forms of tobacco advertising including on the "wings" (rear spoilers) of Formula 1 cars.

That's it! The anti-smoking Gestapo has gone too far. Although I'm a non-smoker myself, I am a firm-believer in smokers rights, being a consistent part of my overall position against "nanny-state nincompoopery", the people that want the government to tell us which foods we shouldn't eat, which television programmes (and, here in Canada, American cable channels) we shouldn't watch, and which videogames we shouldn't play. And, honestly, when I was a kid, I didn't mind the pleasant ambience of second hand smoke in certain situations.

The Canadian Grand Prix was a huge tourist draw for Montreal, and, as someone who has been to four Canadian Grand Prix races in person myself, I can honestly tell you that they really are a lot of fun, with lots of fun things to do in Montreal in the week prior to the event, with all the rich folks from hundreds if not thousands of miles around infusing Montreal streets with the glorious colour of red and yellow Ferraris, and I love the electricity of the crowd in the grandstands or spread out having picnics in the park on Ile N�tre-Dame and the noise you can feel in your bones when the F1 cars are out on the track, not to mention the great photo opportunities you get with, not just the F1 cars, but the cars in the supporting events like the Ferraris (mostly 360 Modenas, in racing colours), and other more esoteric classic racing cars of all types. But now all this has been taken away from me because some pussy activists get their panties in a knot over seeing the word "Marlboro" on the tail-fin of Michael Schumachers vehicle.

So, if any teenagers, preferably in Canada, are reading this, I strongly advise you that, if you aren't yet smoking, start! Really... you think you're being such a rebel by wearing black clothes and black lipstick and listening to Marilyn Manson albums? Please... that's *so* 1997! These days, there is no better way to shock the authority figures and other do-gooders at whom you wish to "flip the (figurative) bird" than the sight of a lit cigarette between the lips of your teenage mouth. If you ever watch Cowboy Bebop (which we have to watch on DVD in Canada, since the "big-nanny" CRTC won't let us watch Cartoon Network), what do all the "cool" characters have in common? They smoke! So, light up and be as cool as Spike Spiegel or Faye Valentine! And, at school, nothing proclaims you as being the trendsetter that everyone else wants to follow as the telltale square indentation in the back pockets of your jeans. So, remember, kids, that smoking cigarettes gives you an aura of individuality and mystery and shows disdain for the authorities that want to butt into your life.

posted by Steve Brandon @ 9:58 PM