I WANT TO EAT A NUT OF LAERMA!

NEWS BRIEFS

Sorry, I've been procrastinating busy for the past couple of days, so I want to catch up a little...

ITEM! Apparently, two punk acts cancelling their show is enough to cause Montreal punk wannabees to riot. Yes, since Total Chaos and Exploited had problems getting across the border and had to cancel their show and the Medley (which, according to my brother, is a music club which is more oriented to Francophone punkers than Anglophone ones) allegedly wouldn't refund the tickets, that's enough of an excuse to go on a rampage down Saint Denis and then along Sainte Catherine's, overturning cars and setting them on fire, attacking police officers and reporters, and smashing store windows like that of the Archambault bookstore (it's officially a bookstore so it can get around Quebec's archaic opening hour laws, but it is as much a music and video store as it is a bookstore) at Sainte Catherine's and Berri, which has a surprisingly good anime selection for a French-oriented bookstore. Bastards! And, on LCN, the French-Canadian headline news channel, they kept on showing this clip of a young punk that the reporter was trying to interview, but all he was doing was emitting an unintelligible stream of joual, laced with "chalice", "tabernacle", and "hostie"** while making faces at the camera.

I agree with what Rush Limbaugh said himself ten years ago, when talking about the 1993 Stanley Cup Riot on his television programme... the police should declare martial law in these situations. That'll make 'em think twice.

ITEM! Speaking of crossing the border, this weekend marked my tenth anniversary of the last time I crossed the border into the United States (and that was just a day-trip to visit WCFE-FM - Mountain Lake Public Radio in Plattsburgh NY). Obviously, as a fan of National Review and Rush Limabugh, I haven't exactly been avoiding the United States, just, it seems, everytime I'm about to go somewhere within the lower 48, something happens that keeps me at home (like my wisdom teeth needing to come out). I gotta go sometimes... there's just someone special in San Antonio whom I'm longing to visit.

ITEM! Well, it looks like the Canadian Grand Prix may be held next year after all, since Montreal does appear on the revised preliminary schedule of races next year. To compensate for the loss of tobacco advertising revenue due to the ridiculous ban on the word "Marlboro" appearing on tailfins, Quebec Premier Jean Charest is prepared to "invest" money. Well, I'd certainly be happy for the Formula One to be back as usual in town next year, but I can't say I approve of corporate welfare keeping it here (okay, more corporate welfare than they already get, I know). Better to just rescind the draconian legislation preventing companies from advertising a legal product, or at least make exemptions for international sporting events; that won't cost taxpayers a cent. (The next thing you know, the anti-smoking gestapo will want it so that transmissions of sporting events from foreign countries wherein tobacco advertising is not banned will have to be censored or banned from broadcast in Canada altogether so that Canadian childrens' eyes will not come across the demon eight letters "M-A-R-L-B-O-R-O" which will magically make them want to start smoking. Well, at least I can voluntarily endorse fine Marlboro-brand tobacco products from the Philip-Morris... even though I don't smoke. As long as they don't pay me, it's alright, correct? Well, kids, Asian stuff is cool now, apparently, so smoke the smooth filters Asian people are coming to know and love. Hey, it's the brand Spike Spiegel himself smokes on that whiz-bang cool Japanese cartoon Cowboy Bebop. Isn't it time you explored the taste of Marlboro country?)

ITEM! It's the Link's annual spoof issue, which fooled me for just a minute, making me think the imaginary Swerderstinians was some new, politically-correct appelation for "Lapplanders", until I noticed that the title of this particular issue was Ze Vink, so I knew it was a spoof. Unfortunately, the funniest part seems to be only in the print edition: a 20-photo story of Comrade Yves Engler getting arrested at a Concordia Student Union meeting in September. I laughed and laughed and laughed. Then I noticed the captions below the photos, telling the story in fairy tale format. Pretty funny, but, really, photos of an annoying, self-aggrandizing Communist grandstander getting arrested are funny on their own merits.

ITEM! I still have a bunch of stuff I want to talk about, but it's very late, so I'll continue this tomorrow evening. Also, I saw the second episode of live-action Sailor Moon and, since several people thought my comments on the first episode were really funny (well, it's such a goofy show that "TEH FUNNY" writes itself), I'm doing the exact same thing for the second episode. I've already done about half of it, but I didn't feel like watching the episode the whole way through for the second time in one night, so I saved it as a draft and expect it on Friday.

**Allegedly, "chalice" = fuck, "tabernacle" = shit, and "hostie" = damn even though these are really Catholic words. I don't know who decided that "chalice" can be translated as "fuck", to be perfectly honest; the vulgar French word for the sex act itself is "baisser", whilst the vulgar word for "shit" is "merde".

posted by Steve Brandon @ 8:32 AM