I WANT TO EAT A NUT OF LAERMA!

STEVE BRANDON'S RECLINER OF RAGE: KFC, GIVE ME A BREAK!

(And please don't sue me, Pierre Bernard and John Stossel, for ripping off the titles of your respective television segments.)

The KFC on Merivale in Nepean.

Last night, my parents and pregnant sister drove back to Montreal to see my sister's friend Natalie perform in the annual Becket Players show over in Dollard des Ormeaux. Back when we still lived in Pincourt, I enjoyed going to those things, but, because of our two rather large dogs, one of us needs to stay home as leaving them alone for 7 to 8 hours is not an option if we don't want our floors to become Poop and Pee Central. (And Sam, due to having rather extreme separation anxiety, has a tendency to tear stuff up if left alone for too long.)

As is always the case when they leave me alone at home for the evening, my mother left me money so I could order my usual Spicy Big Crunch sandwich meal from Cluckin' Bell... erm, I mean, KFC.

Being the late-supper-preferer that I am, I didn't even call to place my order until about 9:30 p.m., and that's only because I know Mr. Cluck's Chicken Shack... pardon me, KFC doesn't let you order too much later than that.

I was surprised when I called to hear them answer the phone in French first. That sort of thing might get some Ottawan's knickers in a twist, especially those with the "Us vs. Them" mentality who have the tendency to make angry phone calls to 580 CFRA, but I don't mind. Makes me nostalgic for living in Quebec, and I think the local French-speaking community in Ottawa is generally underserved by those large corporations who, all too often, have a hard time wrapping their head around the concept of the existence of both Quebec Anglophones and Ontario Francophones.

So, I placed my order for the Spicy Big Crunch meal, which consists of a Spicy Big Crunch sandwich, fries, and a can of Pepsi, and the girl takes my order, but then puts me on hold for half a minute while she checks something.

She comes back on the phone and says that they can't deliver my order because it's below the minimum limit for orders. I'd have to order something else, which I'm a little reluctant to do because I'm fat enough already. So I had to order 5 Hot Wings just for the price to be sufficient.

I enjoyed the dinner anyway, but what's the deal with the minimum order? I've ordered for delivery the exact same meal a few dozen times before over the past half decade, both when I was in Pincourt and here in Nepean, and also when I was staying part time in the apartment in downtown Montreal, and I don't recall Kentucky Fried Chicken ever having quibbled with a minimum order price. Is this something to do with gas prices (even if my current house is a pretty short drive from the Merivale KFC, which I presume is where the food came from)?

I understand the concept of "minimum order" in theory, but that should only be applicable if I'm paying the same price as what I'd pay at the counter for the meal. However, I paid something like a $6 premium beyond the cost of the meal and the sales tax to have it delivered, and that's before the tip.

Bottom line, America, if KFC is going to tack on the delivery cost in addition to the cost of the meal anyway, there should be no "minimum order" level.

Chokey Chicken, pardon me, KFC, give me a break!

posted by Steve Brandon @ 7:30 PM