I WANT TO EAT A NUT OF LAERMA!

PIERRE BERNARD'S RECLINER OF RAGE!

At long, long last, the first real new "Pierre Bernard's Recliner of Rage" segment on NBC's Late Night with Conan O'Brien since Late Night graphic designer Pierre Bernard Jr. ranted about the expanding waistlines of Froot of the Loom underpants on the episode which aired the night of Thursday, November 3^rd, 2005, nearly eight whole months ago.

I was beginning to think that they retired the segment for good and had even started writing my own inferior ersatz facsimile "Recliner of Rage" entries (though my Hot Wheels rant from Sunday was a pretty decent imitation, if I do say so myself). But it's back.

I taped it, just missing out the usual "But before we get to that, there's a serious matter I'd like to discuss. Let's face it folks, there's a lot of anger in America today, between the war in Iraq, rising gas prices, and the debate on global warming. And there's one man who is particularly angry, our own graphic designer, Pierre Bernard".

Conan: ...there's Pierre Bernard, Pierre says... (applause)... yeah, you can see from that photo he's enraged. Pierre says he knows how America feels... he's ready to articulate our anger for us, so here he is once again in a little segment we like to call "Pierre Bernard's Recliner of Rage".


Singer: PIERRE BERNARD'S RECLINER OF RAGE!


Conan: Hey there, Pierre, are you comfortable and angry?


Pierre: Comfortable and furious, Conan.


Conan: Then go ahead and speak for America.


Pierre: Okay, here goes.

For the last couple of years, I've been thinking seriously about starting a Bobblehead collection. I finally decided to do it after receiving a free Empire Carpet man bobblehead in Chicago. I called up a place in Pennsylvania called Lazer Illusions that sells both hologram images and Bobbleheads. The owner, Howard, didn't realize how serious I was. He assumed I just wanted a few Bobbleheads, but I bought over sixty... including Pinhead from Hellraiser, Quick Draw McGraw, Baba Looey, the old man with the leg lamp from A Christmas Story, Sammy Davis Jr., and several versions of Betty Boop... I'm a big Betty Boop fan.

The main reason I'm fascinated by Bobbleheads is because of the way their heads bobble, so you can imagine my shock when I discovered that some of the Bobbleheads I ordered had bobbling bodies instead of bobbling heads.

And it was especially true for the overweight characters like Barney Rubble, the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man, and Muttley from Wacky Races. Their bellies bobbled, but their heads remained completely stationary.

For God's sake, they're called "Bobble Heads", not "Bobble Bodies". Frankly, I find the whole situation very upsetting.

Bottom line, America?

(Adjusts chair upright and points to the camera.)

All Bobbleheads should have bobbling heads, and if not, the packaging of Bobbleheads should clearly indicate which part of the (bobbly...) bodies will bobble.

(Audience laughs and applauds.)


Conan: Thank you, Pierre...

(Audience continues.)

...thank you, Pierre, I'm sure there are at least... I'm sure there are at least two or three other guys in America who know exactly what you are talking about.


Pierre: Keep the faith, Amigos.


Conan: Alright, Pierre...


Singer: PIERRE BERNARD'S RECLINER OF RAGE!


Conan: We'll take a break, when we come back, John Cena's here, stick around, we'll see you in a second.

I hope we get another "Pierre Bernard's Recliner of Rage" segment before 2007.




Speaking of geeky hobbies...

Here are a bunch more Hot Wheels Ferrari pics! Because you all love them so much!



I was trying to recreate my famous "Little F-355, Big F-355" photo, using the "Little F-355" (1:18 scale) from the original photo to stand in for the "Big F-355", and the "Little F-355" is being portrayed by the tiny 1:108 scale mini Hot Wheels Ferrari Testarossa.



Four Hot Wheels Ferraris of different scales lined up vertically.



The tiny 1:108 scale Hot Wheels Ferrari Testarossa, photographed ultra-close-up.



Japanese mascot characters on regular-sized (1:64 scale) Hot Wheels! Ryo-Ohki from the anime Tenchi Muyo/Tenchi Universe (and Pretty Sammy/Magical Project S and now Sasami Mahou Shoujo Club) on a purple late 1980s Corvette convertible and Froggy from the Sega Dreamcast game Sonic Adventure on a Ferrari Testarossa (512TR).





(Scottish "Fat Bastard"-type accent) DRIVE, DRIVE INTO MY MOUTH, WEE LITTLE FERRARIS!



Alright, a Ferrari F-50 on my driveway!

That "forced perspective" shot of the 1:18 scale Ferrari F-50 would probably be a little more convincing if our driveway didn't look like it was as wide as a football field.




Two Ferraris and a DeLorean on the mile-wide streets of giant suburbia.



The Ferrari F-50 swerving to avoid the DeLorean, which must be driving at 88 miles per hour.



A re-enactment of what I saw on Monday evening but didn't have the camera ready to photograph, the air intake vents on the driver's side door of what was presumably a Ferrari Testarossa.

Labels: Pierre Bernard's Recliner of Rage

posted by Steve Brandon @ 5:27 AM