I WANT TO EAT A NUT OF LAERMA!

TERRORIST TERRORIMBECILE POETRY: ROUGH DRAFTS...

Apparently, one of the "Toronto 17" alleged terrorists Terrorimbeciles, Zakaria Amara, also fancied himself a poet.

From Stephen Taylor, via Michelle Malkin, I found a link to the poem featured on the cover of Tuesday's National Post, "A Little Muslim from Palestine".

However, my crack research team (not my research team on crack) did a little more digging and found a top secret page that no other blog seemed to be able to find that has the rough draft of the poem. When you're an Islofascist terrorist wannabe with a lot on your mind, such as wondering whether or not that "nuclear warhead" that crazy scientist "Doc Brown" in Hill Valley, California sold your fledgling, wet behind the ears, terrorist cell is actually made out of parts from an old pinball machine, rhymes don't always come easy.

So, here's the poem, with the lines from the rough draft version cut out.

I'll always be a contender
Yes I know my bones are very tender
My favourite Futurama character is Bender
Wayne Campbell's "Excalibur" was the Stratocaster by Fender
Hey, remember the episode of ALF when he got a credit card and was a big spender?
To travel between alternate universes, Strong Bad put a Gameboy in a Blender
My young body is so slender that, when I go to "Federal Pound Me in the Ass Prison", I will be everyone's favourite "take it up the rear-end-er".
And by Allah you won't see me surrender

Look at my eyes
You'll see no butterflies
Except for that butterfly
My home is filled with cries
In 1970s comic book ads, no super villain could resist Hostess Fruit Pies.
I'm considering answering that Internet spam to increase my microscopic penis size.
.......due to all the lost lives
(Oh, jihad, jihad, that doesn't really rhyme.)
In "Federal Pound Me in the Ass Prison", where I am going, I will be the bitch to all the fat sweaty guys.
But I swear by Allah I'll never compromise

I'll still throw the stones even with my broken bones
Why can't General Mills bring back the cereal Ice Cream Cones?
On 6Teen, I want to see Nikki Wong become a lesbian dominatrix to the Khaki Barn Clones.
How come Dino could talk on that one early episode of The Flintstones?
Why can't I hear from you, don't you have any phones?
Oh, sorry, I had sand in my ears, try again. Okay, okay, I can hear you now.

Yes I forgot, you're not on the chase,
Try it out and put your self in my place
Hello, Total Request Live, can you play "All That She Wants" by Ace of Base?
Steve Brandon takes gorgeous photos whenever he goes to a Ferrari race.
In "Federal Pound Me in the Ass Prison", I'd better get used to being bukkake'd in the face.
Soon I'll return to my lord, the one that deserves every grace
Or maybe I'll end up at that other place,
The fiery one that looks like 1980s heavy metal album covers.
Yeah, most likely.
Oh you don't have to worry because of me you'll find no trace
Unless I blab about all my "Blow up Toronto and behead the Prime Minister" plans to that undercover RCMP informant in the terrorist chat room. Then I should be surprisingly easy to trace.

You could have sent me at least one dinner plate
Oh, wait, you mean that I have to dial the number 244-4444 and place an order if I want KFC to deliver?
I thought that just picking up the phone and shreiking "Send me the Colonel's chicken now, INFIDELS!" to the dial tone was sufficient.
My bad.
I guess it is my fate
It really is too late,
My time has come
Sent shivers down my spine
Body's aching all the time.
why did you wait
Man, that Michelle Kwan sure can skate
I can't figure out what the fuck is going on in the Teletoon cartoon Delta State
I fantasize about giving head to Osama Bin Laden when I masturbate
And la ilaha ill
I ran out of rhymes so I'm just started making up random sounds like Tom Green did in the commentary track for Freddy Got Fingered when he ran out of things to say.
Allah is my mate.
Nah, not really... the fat, sweaty, hairy guy in "Federal Pound Me in the Ass Prison" who made me his bitch calls himself "Big Killer Jake", not "Allah".

posted by Steve Brandon @ 11:52 PM