I WANT TO EAT A NUT OF LAERMA!

PIERRE BERNARD'S RECLINER OF RAGE!

Oh, wow, a new Pierre Bernard's Recliner of Rage segment on NBC's Late Night with Conan O'Brien less than three months after the previous one, in which Pierre ranted about Bobbleheads.

This time around, the subject of his rant is a little predictable, if you've been following recent developments in the world of syndicated sci-fi television.

As usual, the transcript begins where I started taping.

Conan O'Brien: That's him in a joyous moment... uhh... Pierre says he knows how America feels and he's ready to articulate our anger for us, so here he is once again in a little segment we like to call "Pierre Bernard's Recliner of Rage".

Singer: PIERRE BERNARD'S RECLINER OF RAGE!

Conan O'Brien: Hi there, Pierre, are you comfortable and angry?

Pierre Bernard: Comfortable and furious, Conan.

Conan O'Brien: Then go ahead and speak for America.

Pierre Bernard: Okay, here goes.

Recently, I've been spending even more time than usual online, partly because I've been collecting anime action figures by Monsieur Bome on eBay, but mostly because of all the opinions I've been posting in the "SG-1 Star" newsgroup on Yahoo.

Stargate is by far my favorite TV show, so you can imagine how stunned I was when I discovered on August 19^th at 10:23 a.m. that SciFi Network was cancelling it. The news was so devastating that I became light-headed, and I prayed that it was all just a horrible night- dream. I even took one of the Vicodins I had been prescribed after my recent sur- kidney stone surgery, but even that couldn't ease my pain.

I soon found out that a SciFi Channel executive named Mark Stern was largely responsible for cancelling Stargate. He immediately went to the top of my enemies list. You see, Stargate SG-1 had been my favorite simple... my favorite sh... television show.

It also served as the crown jewel in my Friday night SciFi Channel lineup, which also included Stargate Atlantis and Battlestar Galactica. The glorious lineup was made all the more compelling by the presence of actors Amanda Tapping, Grace Park, Rachel Luttrell, who together formed my holy trinity of fantasy females. Now my Friday night sci-fi fantasy threesome has been completely destroyed.

Bottom line, America, Mark Stern should reverse his decision on cancelling Stargate SG-1, so I can continue to enjoy my Friday night fantasy threesome.

(Applause)

Conan O'Brien: Thank you, Pierre. Pierre, I'm sure there are at least one or two other people in the world who know exactly what you're talking about.

Pierre Bernard: Stay strong, my brothers.

Conan O'Brien: Alright, then.

Singer: PIERRE BERNARD'S RECLINER OF RAGE!

Conan O'Brien: Alright everybody, when we come back, Sophia Bush will be here, stick around!

I might as well supplement this entry on geeky interests with more recent toy car photos that I've taken.



A 1/64 scale version of Terry Labonte's Kellogg's-sponsored #5 NASCAR Chevrolet Monte Carlo car.

I wouldn't say that I'm much of a NASCAR fan, being someone who has seen Ferrari stock car racing in person (so NASCAR seems like a step down), although I did enjoy Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby with Will Ferrell and I'll have NASCAR races on in the background sometimes while I'm writing stuff on the computer on weekend afternoons.

But I couldn't resist buying a toy car with a picture of Tony the Tiger on the hood.

It's very detailed for a 1/64 scale car (the same scale as a regular Hot Wheels).

The weird thing is that the legal text on the back of the blister pack says that these Motorworks toy cars are marketed through Wal-Mart, but I actually bought it at a Zellers (the Canadian equivalent of Target and Wal-Mart's primary comptetition in Canada).



Tony the Tiger asks the most pertinent question of all.

Got Milk?



A 1/55 scale Hot Wheels "Dropstars" Ferrari 360 Spider.

It's like a "superdeformed" Ferrari 360 Spider that looks normal from above, but the Y-axis has been grossly exaggerated, as though someone made car models out of the CGI cars from the Sega Dreamcast game Metropolis Street Racer (the precursor to Project Gotham Racing) as seen in that unlockable "stretch" mode.

I guess it's like a "bling bling" tricked-out "pimp my ride" ultra-customized Ferrari 360, except why would anyone do that in real life? Isn't a Ferrari already as "bling bling" as you can get the way it is when it rolls out of the factory in Maranello?

Also, the "Dropstars" logo has S's that don't look much like S's at all. I thought it said "Dropotaro" at first.



Ferrari 360: A Mess of Modenas!

Clockwise from top: a red Ixo (distributed by Mattel) 1/43 scale Ferrari 360 Spider, a yellow 1/64 scale Mattel Hot Wheels Ferrari 360 Modena, a silver 1/64 scale Mattel Hot Wheels "Got Speed" Ferrari 360 Modena, and a silver 1/55 scale Mattel Hot Wheels Dropstars Ferrari 360 Spider, with the backdrop being a photo of a Ferrari 360 Modena that I took at a Ferrari race on the Circuit GIlles-Villeneuve in Montreal on Canadian Grand Prix weekend in June 2002.



Hot Wheels "Ultra Hots" 1958 Chevrolet Corvette and 1967 Shelby Cobra 427 toy cars.

The Hot Wheels "Ultra Hots" are the same size as regular Hot Wheels, but a little more expensive as Mattel put in a little extra detail and included rubber tires and opening hoods (though I remember that, back in the early 1980s, a handful of regular Hot Wheels, like the 1980s Corvette and the 1960s Mustang, also had opening hoods with rudimentarily detailed engines, so it wasn't always a feature exclusive to special editions).

The Shelby Cobra has redline wheels, a tribute to the original Hot Wheels.



Hot Wheels "Ultra Hots" Show and Shine!

Both the 1958 Corvette and the Shelby Cobra 427 had backwards-opening hoods, so this is the logical angle from which to take the picture.

The Matchbox Shelby Cobra 427 I have has a little more painted detail, but the Hot Wheels one has a little more detail in the die-cast moulding (like those rivets), and the Matchbox's hood doesn't open.



I attempted to form the Ferrari prancing horse logo, using every toy or model Ferrari I have, from Mattel Hot Wheels, Maisto Assembly Line, Ixo, and even one Takara/Hasbro Transformers (the original version of Overdrive, which is obviously supposed to be a Ferrari 308, though I don't think they had permission from Ferrari to make it, so there are a couple of minor cosmetic differences).

I have way too much time on my hands.

Labels: Pierre Bernard's Recliner of Rage

posted by Steve Brandon @ 5:31 AM