I WANT TO EAT A NUT OF LAERMA!

PIERRE BERNARD'S RECLINER OF RAGE!

Hmm... these segments are appearing a little more frequently than they had been for the past little while on NBC's Late Night with Conan O'Brien; the previous one, about the cancellation of Stargate SG-1, aired just a little over two and a half months ago.

My aging Toshiba VCR was reluctant to allow the videotape to be inserted, and I missed the introduction, but I got all of the meat of his rant.

From where my videotape started.

Conan O'Brien: ...Pierre, are you comfortable and angry?

Pierre Bernard Jr.: Comfortable and furious, Conan.

Conan: Then go ahead... go ahead, Pierre, and speak for America.

Pierre: Okay, here goes.

Recently, I decided to purchase a few items I had been eyeing on the Internet, including collectibles Justice League action figures like Star Sapphire and Lightray, as well as another item I found particularly captivating, a five-foot tall Betty Boop statue.

I desperately wanted to purchase the statue for my living room, but my co-worker, Tara, discouraged me, saying that if I plan on meeting and keeping a girlfriend anytime soon, the last thing a woman coming into my home for the first time would want to see is a life-size statue of a cartoon character.

So, instead of getting a five-foot tall Betty Boop for my living room, I decided instead to get an 18-inch tall Betty Boop for my dining room. The smaller Betty Boop was particularly alluring since she was wearing a French maid outfit.



I went online, thinking it would be easy to purchase the figure, but it turned out to be a nightmare. The French may- the French maid Betty Boop was unavailable, and the company, Characters Collectible, had an unlisted phone number. I eventually tracked down a French maid Betty Boop on a site called Boop World, but it turned out to have a red French maid outfit instead of the black one I had hoped for.

Why would anyone ever want a French maid wearing red? It's ridiculous!

I'm too busy right now to search anymore, and I'm too proud to ask for help from my Internet friends, "Miss Tracey", "K8", "Endanger D. Animal" or "Birdy Yum-Yums".



Bottom line, America? Character Collectibles should be reachable by phone so I can stop hunting for a French maid Betty Boop for my dining room.

(Applause)

Conan: Thank you, Pierre, I'm sure that there's at least one or two other guys in the world who know exactly how you feel.

Pierre: Keep the faith, amigos.

Singer: PIERRE BERNARD'S RECLINER OF RAGE!

Conan: We'll take a little break. When we come back, from Saturday Night Live, Kristen Wiig is here. We'll see you in a second.

Hey, Pierre, if you're reading this, here's a site that seems to be selling the French maid Betty Boop figure in a black outfit, and here's the contact information for Character Collectibles from the Van Group website:

Van Group
2551 Philadelphia Ave.
Ontario, Ca. 91761

Phone: (909) 923-6789
Fax: (909) 673-9699
www.vangroup.com

Customer Services:
If you have questions regarding: New orders, Previous orders placed, Product knowledge, Store locations in your area, Rep information, Consumer questions please click on the link below
Email address: csinternet@vangroup.com



Personally, Irona, the skanky robot from old Richie Rich comics, turned me off French maid outfits for life, though I'd make an exception for the purple one that Haruhi Suzumiya made Mikuru Asahina wear in the fifth episode of the anime The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya.

Labels: Pierre Bernard's Recliner of Rage

posted by Steve Brandon @ 6:18 AM