I WANT TO EAT A NUT OF LAERMA!

COMMERCIALS I HATE.

ROGERS WIRELESS NETWORK...



Thank you, Rogers. There's nothing I love more than being in an elevator, or some other such confined space, with a loudmouth dickwad whose ear and mouth is permanently fused to his cell phone. If it wasn't for your magical elevator-penetrating cell phone reception, how else would I know that the guy standing next to me is super-important? So important, in fact, that his important input is so importantly crucial to whatever big important project he's working on that the very important people to whom he's talking cannot bear to wait a whole half-minute to hear his important guy voice again while he rides the elevator. And, since he is so important that he doesn't need to be considerate of whether or not the other people in the elevator want to hear his side of the conversation, that must mean that he has a huge penis.

If I was the other guy in the elevator, I would be staring at him too. But not in awe. I would be looking at him just so I can see where his balls are so I can plant my foot in them to end his inconsiderate blathering.


THAT "YO MAMA" TEXT MESSAGE AD.

Yo' mama is so stupid that she listened to the "Text the word YO!" commercial and now pays $30 a month to get a lame "Yo Mama" joke text message sent to her cell phone every day, even though you can find millions of "Yo Mama" jokes for free on the Internet.


THIS ONE MAZDA COMMERCIAL

It's mostly just a standard car commercial, but it has this one line that rubs me the wrong way; (paraphrasing from memory) "Think of the car you want to drive... the car you really want to drive." But Mazda doesn't make sleek, superfast Italian cars with a yellow emblem with a black prancing horse on the hood. I don't see a Ferrari anywhere in that commercial, therefore the commercial is a lie.

Even if you don't like Ferraris as much as I do, are there any kids who, when asked of their dream car, say, (Rush Limbaugh fake kid voice), "Mommy, mommy, when I grow up, I want to drive a Mazda!" I don't think Mazda's even that popular a brand with the "Ricer" crowd... they seem to prefer cars like the Mitsubishi Lancer Evo or the Subaru Impreza.

posted by Steve Brandon @ 2:39 AM