I WANT TO EAT A NUT OF LAERMA!

I DON'T CARE ABOUT CANADIAN IDOL...

...but I might just try out for it anyway. Just for the hell of it.

Yep, I spotted that Ottawa Canadian Idol audition poster at the St. Laurent Centre on Friday, advertising that they will be at the Centre Court (the area near the Bay department store) on Saturday, March 17^th and Sunday, March 18^th from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m., meaning, of course, that I'll probably get there around 3:59 p.m. on the Sunday, procrastinating late riser that I am.

On the odd chance that the tens of thousands of teenagers and twentysomethings will actually give me a turn at the microphone, I think I have the perfect song picked with which to humiliate myself on the "Worst of" audition special on CTV showcase my talents, and that is... "Save this World", the theme song from Sega's Phantasy Star Universe, sung by Kelli Sae.

I've already been practicing singing it.

I can tell you my motivations. It's not the money. It's not the fame. It's not the girls (or maybe Thai Ladyboys depending on the mood). I just want a Maranello. A Ferrari 550 (or 575, which is almost identical), perhaps the most straight-up handsome car ever to roll out of Enzo's factory. Goddamn it, I can live in a bungalow for the rest of my life, eat the same fast food, never get a big screen TV or a home theatre or anything too high tech, or a girlfriend. If there's a Maranello in my garage, my life would be complete. As long as it's red. And I'm making enough money off my "singing career" to at least pay for the gasoline and insurance.





Oh, another funny thing I spotted at the St. Laurent Centre today?



Softron Income tax agents. Well, they're not exactly gutbustingly hilarious in and of themselves, what I find amusing is their sign. If you know your Internet forum images insult memes, that's the exact same stock photo of an ecstatic office worker that has been made famous with the quote "Wow, old news is so exciting!"



Also, I went to the South Keys Wal-Mart on Wednesday to buy a couple of pairs of Mexican-stitched Wrangler and Levi's "Comfort Fit" jeans, and I couldn't resist the opportunity to make fun of their current advertising campaign:

posted by Steve Brandon @ 6:37 AM